Take Advantage of The Small Moments

Being emotionally connected with our spouse is extremely important. I enjoyed reading in chapter 6 of John M. Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work, when he explained many examples of how we can turn towards our partner and not away from them. He describes how we have “bids” in our relationship for attention, affection, etc. Some examples of this can be asking for help with something such as groceries, laundry, etc. How we respond to these “bids” determine if we are growing closer to our partner or away from them. An example of this in my own marriage happened not too long ago. I remember being extremely overwhelmed with getting all my homework done before I was leaving on vacation for a week. I briefly mentioned how our apartment looked messy and how it was another thing I needed to do before I left. My husband could have easily ignored what I had said and continued doing whatever he was doing. However, he immediately started cleaning up and told me to continue working on as much homework as I could get done. Later that night he noticed how exhausted I was from packing, doing homework, and other various things so he told me to take a break so that we could go get ice cream. My husband is very good at responding positively to the bids that I present. Because of this I have also learned how to be more grateful for those small moments that happen in our marriage.

In Doctrine and Covenants 64:33 it says "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." Little do we realize at the time, but the little things do matter. Helping your spouse with the chores, giving a compliment, doing something they enjoy, and saying I love you are all small tasks that if done often will create a successful, healthy and happy marriage. Gottman said, “There’s a reason that seemingly small events are fundamental to a relationship’s future.” If we have a good connection with our spouse and trust them, it will help when we are faced with difficult stresses or conflicts that may arise. There are many instances such as our car breaking down on the way to our wedding, not being able to pay certain bills on time, or even unexpected sicknesses that have occurred. If me and my husband had not continually tried to develop good communication, trust, and love in our marriage then those situations would have been a lot more difficult to handle. Our partners are important and the way we react to them is as well. We need to continually be strengthening our marriages because it is essential. Make the small moments count and always make sure your partner knows you love in them in the good times and bad.

We recently added a new member to our family that constantly has bids for attention and affection all the time. We love him and have grown closer as a couple because of our cute 8 week old kitten Archie.