Find Ways to Love Your In-Laws Even If They Don't Love You

“It’s not me, it’s you. Actually, it’s your mom.” I saw this funny quote the other day and made me think of how the world portrays in-laws. Some people may have a hard time getting along with their mother/father in-law. I have been blessed with the best in-laws and wish everyone who struggle with theirs were as fortunate. Since I have been married, I have come to realize the importance of having a close relationship with my in-laws. Me and my husband both live states away from our parents, therefore, making it hard to see them often. I believe in that quote that says something about distance making the heart grow fonder. I feel as though I appreciate my time with my in-laws more when I see them because they live across the country. However, it is also important for me to continue to grow that relationship with them even though they do live far away. Me and my husband try to call or face time both of our parents every week on Sunday and are involved in the other conversations. I am usually not there for the whole conversation so that my husband can have some time with his parents as well. However, I feel that face timing them is a way that I am slowly continuing to build my relationship with them.

Ashely Mcilwain said, “No one should come between you and your spouse. They should come alongside of you but not between.” This quote goes for parents and family members as well. When we committed to our spouse it was only to them. Sometimes parents may want to be too involved in a newly married couples’ life. Becoming freshly married is very difficult because there is a lot of new changes happening. However, that new couple need to learn how to survive and trust in the other and not rely on others to come in between that. Living far away from our in-laws made getting married and adjusting a little more difficult. But, me and my spouse learned to become self-reliant very quickly. We have grown to trust in the other and only talk to our parents occasionally about important decisions. Because of this, they can help stir us in the right direction. They are not the stirring wheel in our relationship but are the occasional helping hand, which I am thankful for. My in-laws have never come between me and my husband but have always been on the side helping when needed. It is so important to develop a cherished relationship with your in-laws. They really do have advice that could help, they could become a true friend, and a blessing in your life if you let them.

Unity in Power and Strength

I do not know from experience but from observance, parenting is hard. Some day I will have the opportunity to be blessed with children of my own. For now, I am going off what I have read and witnessed throughout my life. I have seen many examples of bad parenting and some of great parenting. What I find difficult about parenting is how many ways there are to do it. Hopefully, you and your partner talk about this before children come. It is important that both partners are on the same page. Richard Miller said, “It is vital that parents support each other in the presence of their children.” When I talked to my mom recently about my grandparents, she had nothing but great things to say. She expressed that her parents never argued in front of their children and always discussed everything together before making any decisions. It is important for children to know that their parents love and support the other.

When parents support the other, they can become one and not two separate people. Elder Eyring talks about how couples and parents can become one through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This is possible by first taking Christ’s name upon us, then to always remember him, and lastly to partake of the sacrament and keep the commandments. Elder Eyring also said that, “A unity which comes to a family or to a people softened by the Spirit will bring great power.” With a world full of temptations that is constantly trying to tear apart families, we need all the power we can get. Another way to gain power and unity in a family is through family counsel. This is a time to come together and talk about any problems so that they are made more aware. When each member of the family knows what is going on, they will be able to better support, pray for, and help one another. As I have mentioned it is just me and my husband, however, I enjoy sitting down and talking with him about any struggles, trails, and concerns I may have. By taking time to address issues together we can become further unified and have more power in our own little family. Support, unity, and power are all essential in a family unit if we want it to thrive. No spouse, parent, or family is perfect but each attempt to make it so will bring numerous blessings.

Love Your Spouse & Make Your Marriage A Priority

Being faithful to our spouses is not a suggestion but should be a requirement if we want a healthy and happy marriage. Kenneth W. Matheson stated that, “Fidelity includes refraining from physical contact—but that is not all. Fidelity also means complete commitment, trust, and respect between husband and wife. Inappropriate interactions with another person can erode fidelity.” We should never put ourselves in a situation where we might not be faithful to our spouse. When both couples are committed only to each other it creates a unity and trust. In my extended family I have witnessed many of them who have had unfaithful partners. Their lives became very difficult and stressful because of this. However, my husbands’ parents are perfect examples in our life of what a faithful committed couple looks like. Because of this me and my husband trust in the other and if something were to come up, we would talk about it with the other. Communication is extremely important in marriage so that you both know you are on the same page.

Aside from being faithful and intimate in our conversations, physical intimacy is also essential in marriage. Sean E. Brotherson shared that, “It has been said marriage is the school of love, and it is certain that a committed, caring marriage relationship is absolutely the best environment to learn the intricacies of sexual expression and intimacy.” Sometimes we may ask ourselves if physical intimacy really is that important. Brotherson goes on to say, “I believe it is important for a variety of God-ordained reasons, but particularly because it is a reminder of the need to give of ourselves in marriage to our spouse.” We need to be aware of our partners needs mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. There is a reason God commanded that physical intimacy should be saved until after we are married. It is a special way to really bond and become close with our partner and show them that we love and trust them. Brent A. Barlow shares, “Little things—thank yous, compliments, and I love yous—are important. When these “little” elements are added to a marriage, sexuality becomes more meaningful and an expression of deep love. Without these “extras,” sexual intimacy can become that which is ultimately satisfying to neither the husband nor the wife.” It is the little things that make the difference in every part of a marriage. I know when my husband goes out of his way to thank me, compliment me or say I love you, I feel appreciated and happier. When both partners are content, they are more prepared to face life’s challenges and can enjoy life in general more. May we always stay faithful to our spouse, make physical intimacy a way to strengthen our marriage, and look for the little things in our marriages.